Those Words given by A Parent That Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the truth soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate among men, who often absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a respite - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."