Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top comedians devoted their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative that enables overseas citizens to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for 5 million. The program's website pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.